Spider Vows

when I have space, more of an outdoor space than I have now I want to learn to weld.

I want to weld a cool, spherical, sculpture with a bright light in the middle that stays on all night; that way, when my husband takes the spiders that I don't want in the house out he can let them go there where they'll be super happy and be able to catch all the bugs that are drawn to the light

Or he can squish them... I'd rather see them let go... 

this is my spider vow

It will be a spider sanctuary... Even though they freak me out

yes, I took a vacation...

I had the week of the 4th off from work and I had a very relaxing time.. caught up on sleep (lots of sleep, like until 10 or 11 most days) I got just the right amount of sun and even enjoyed the rainy days, except maybe the third day.. by then I wanted more sun ;) I've been asked more than once this week if I had a good vacation, what did I do.. you know, things like that. My answer was pretty much what I just told you: relaxing, lots of sleep yadda yadda.

But let me tell you the absolute best part of my vacation, the serious highlight of my 10 days off...

Keith and I went to open mic at The Kerryman on June 30th; usually this is somewhat amusing and a good excuse for me to have a change of scenery while he practices his stage presence (I do love watching him up there). He did a couple cover songs but then (I don't recall his exact words because I may have been in shock) he announced that he wrote the next song for me and that I had been waiting 2 years for him to do so :)  Then he starts playing his guitar and before he even starts the lyrics I'm falling in love all over again. It was the most genuine love song I've ever heard and I sat there stunned, unable to take my eyes off of him or wipe the ridiculously huge smile off my face. I would have cried if we weren't in public, haha!

That was the best few minutes of my vacation and I wish I could live it all over again.

Maybe someday I'll share the song (with his permission, of course) but for now I want to keep it all to myself.

Death by a Downer

You killed every dream that I had Fucktard. I don't think I've ever really hated anyone before, but it's hard not to hate you.

there are tons of people that make jewelry... you won't sell anything.

there are a million photographers out there... how are you going to make it?

you basically told me that I'd never amount to anything, that my passions and dreams were worthless and that I was wasting my time... I really do hate you. still, to this day you cripple my life.

the day you pulled up to my home, broke my window to steal my computer and then you threw it in the river.. (you're the biggest ass hole btw!) I lost everything I had worked so hard for.. every beautiful moment and image I captured.. family weddings, my kids growing up, things I saw that thought were beautiful,  you threw into the Saco River.. you threw a cold, wet blanket over the one thing that gave me joy. I lost everything that day... what day? you ask.. this day.. (<- click on that) so long ago. Almost two and a half years later and I still hate you like I did that day... I still can't get back the love I had for photography, two years later and I try so hard but YOU RUINED IT ALL FOR ME..

I think if I upgrade my camera I'll get excited again.. If I assign myself a project (I love assignments) I'll get excited again.. but none of it works... you killed it Reny! you killed it for me and I hate you for that... I'll never forgive you and I'll never forget.

I know hatred is wrong... but I HATE you... what's the saying? I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.. but it might be something I'd take a photo of.

I who?

Not really knowing the asker of questions and usually not diggin' the questions asked.
I'm not friends with the thoughts or feelings of so many self-depreciating inquiries… assumptive & convincing.
So bored with the motions… but a voice that sounds like me says I'm supposed to.
The doubting, insecure thinker that stole my voice.